


Sounds Like A Plan (Please Don't Reproduce)

by pyrefiy



Series: pyre's box of seulrene [8]
Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: F/F, High School AU, Seulrene, i just wanted to be funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-07-15 13:33:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16064186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pyrefiy/pseuds/pyrefiy
Summary: Kang Seulgi is the school's track star, the MVP, and while she's definitely tackled all sorts of difficulties before, even all the challenges in the world couldn't have prepared her for her greatest challenge yet: motherhood. Thankfully, she's got the advantage of having Bae Irene by her side this time around. Or, Seulgi and Irene are in the same Health class, and they're paired up to take care of a fake baby together.





	Sounds Like A Plan (Please Don't Reproduce)

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by a few personal experiences of my own, but also a complete work of the imagination

_“Why,”_ Seulgi groans, faceplanting her head onto the desk and burying it into her arms, letting out the most unholy of noises to ever be released from a high school student. “Why is this project even _necessary?”_

“I’d tell you if I knew,” Wendy replies with a shrug, sympathetically patting the melting mess of her best friend on the back. “Like, for how long have you been dreading this day again?”

“Since freshman year,” Seulgi confirms, sticking up her thumb and waving it around in the air like a white flag of surrender. Her voice comes out muffled, followed by more noises that sound vaguely like high-pitched distress calls of despair. Outside, a few birds tweet in response, and Seulgi reaches out desperately towards the windowsill. “Save meeee…”

The birds perched on the tree branch tilt their head, as if observing the strange humans in utmost interest, before taking off into the sky, never to look back.

“Selfish fuckers,” Seulgi curses under her breath, and Wendy bursts into loud, boisterous laughter that fills the whole classroom. No one pays attention, having gotten much too used to Wendy over the years, teachers included.

“You’re not getting out of our Health project this time, Seulgi,” Wendy says warningly after calming down. “It won’t be like that one time last year when you skipped the marijuana lecture by having a field trip in Science class or that other time you were called in ‘sick’ on the day we had that theater troupe visit us to teach about safe sex through skits—”

“Ah, good times,” Seulgi grins, reclining backwards in her seat and kicking her feet up onto her desk. “Yeah, I actually went to the amusement park with Moonbyul and her friends, and we rode roller coasters all day.”

“This is _exactly_ what I’m talking about!” Wendy exclaims and she waves her hands everywhere in a spastic motion to showcase her immense frustration. “You always _somehow_ get out of these awkward situations while the rest of us are stuck here! And how the hell you got _Moonbyul_ , a whole busy college student, to somehow get you an excused absence out of class, I will never know.”

“Moonbyul and I are tight.” Seulgi crosses her index and middle fingers together. “Which means I’m also tight with her med student girlfriend, who can write a pretty mean doctor’s note.”

“ _Anyways!”_ Wendy digresses loudly. Just then, the bell rings, the awful buzzing noise striking the students’ ears but they give it no mind, only slinking into their seats, and Wendy lowers her voice to a hiss. “You’re stuck with us, Kang Seulgi! You’re gonna have to raise a stupid plastic baby _just_ like the rest of us.”

Seulgi groans again, bemoaning her existence with a dramatic tip of her head. She knows that Wendy is right— she’s run out of excuses, and Moonbyul is off at an international exchange program with Solar today, so Seulgi’s got absolutely nowhere to hide. Plus, the plastic baby project is a whole school week long (a good five days), and Seulgi can’t miss an entire week of school without jeopardizing her entire track career.

“Fine,” Seulgi jeers, “I’ll take care of the stupid plastic demon! You better be my partner, Son Seungwan.”

Wendy croons sweetly. “I’d love to—”

“I’ve constructed pairs for the baby project!” Ms. Tiffany announces jovially, swinging into the classroom with a clipboard stowed under her right arm that she pulls out and waves like a banner. “I decided to save time this year by _making_ the partners for you all!”

“—Or not!” Wendy says cheerfully, and Seulgi drops her head, dead weight, onto the desk once more.

\--

Five minutes later and Seulgi is still straining her ears to make sure she heard Ms. Tiffany right.

 _Bae Irene is my partner?_ She sits still in shock. _Like, cheerleader, ideal girlfriend of every man, straight ay-eff (probably) Bae Irene? I’m going to be raising a plastic demon baby from hell with_ Bae Irene?!

“Seulgi?” A tentative finger pokes her shoulder, and Seulgi practically jumps twice her height into the air— quite the sight, especially for a giggling Wendy, now seated next to the ever-attractive Park Joy.

“Y-yes?” Seulgi manages to stutter out, not having realized in her stone-silent state that Irene had already pushed her desk next to Seulgi’s, the bullet journal in her hand that had been distributed to the pairs to keep track of this strenuous upcoming adventure.

Irene chuckles, plopping herself down in her seat.

“Nothing much, I was just wondering who should bring the baby around first,” the shorter girl explains, tilting her head endearingly, and no, Seulgi’s definitely not thinking about the way Irene has to tip her chin up ever-so-slightly in order to meet Seulgi’s eyes.

 _Fuck, I’m not going to survive this,_ the track athlete thinks miserably.

“Oh, um,” Seulgi lips her pursed lips. “Maybe I could take the baby around school today, and you bring it home? I’d bring it with me after school as well, but I kind of have track practice and I can’t exactly look after it… Unless, y’know, I run with it strapped to my back or something— y’know what? I’m going to shut up now!”

And maybe Seulgi ascends to the heavens above at the giggle that leaves Irene’s lips, covered by a dainty, perfect hand, and _oh, she’s screwed._

“That’s fine, Seulgi,” Irene chirps, her shoulder rising a bit in a happy shrug that’s way too adorable for it to be legal. Meanwhile, Seulgi feels like launching herself into the abyss. “I’ll take it home with me today and write the first entry in the bullet journal.”

“I can take it home tomorrow!” Seulgi says hastily, oddly enough feeling bad despite her immediate repulsion to being anywhere near the plastic gremlin— she still remembers when Moonbyul’s grade did the project, back when Seulgi was a freshman, and it still haunts her to this day. “There’s no track practice tomorrow. We can alternate days…?”

Irene beams, eyes turning into perfect crescent moons.

“Sounds like a plan!”

\--

The fake babies are handed out onto their pairs of desks, and maybe Seulgi wants to just sink into the ground, because they are _by far_ the ugliest things she has ever laid her eyes on; pinkish skin, clenched fists, clothed properly in baby clothes and a hat (thank _god._ A few years ago, they had nothing on but a diaper), and permanently closed eyes, clenched in an unending pose of wailing.

Irene seems to think these _creatures_ are the funniest thing she’s ever seen, bouncing up and down on her chair in utter amusement, mirth in her eyes, giggles escaping her lips.

Seulgi’s gulping down a swig of water when Irene’s giggling finally ceases, and Seulgi frowns, confused as to why Irene had suddenly stopped.

“They look like they’re in a perpetual state of pain and suffering,” Irene whispers conspiratorially.

Seulgi chokes on her drink, coughing up water before the coughs quickly turn into howling laughter that Irene soon joins in, their laughing only growing louder and louder every time they manage to eye the pathetic excuse of a baby.

By the time they're wiping their mouthful tears from their eyes, Seulgi does her best to put on a serious expression, though judging by the twitch of her lips and the struggle of composure on Irene's face, neither girl are faring well whatsoever.

“Did you guys pick a name for it?” Wendy calls from across the room, a hand cupped around her mouth. This prompts all the other students to feel the need to share their names to the class, and Seulgi's pretty sure they just received a noise complaint from Ms. Jessica’s art class down the hall, but Ms. Tiffany waves off the warning with an uncaring hand— she’s just thrilled that her students can show passion towards _anything at all,_ even if it’s towards making fun of these awful plastic children.

“Make sure to write the names of your _very real_ children on the faux birth certificates we passed out earlier!” Ms. Tiffany yells over the commotion.

“Ours is named Hannibal, Destroyer of Worlds!”

“We called ours Pedro!”

“Ironman!”

“We called ours Yves,” another classmate of theirs, Sunmi, grins and turns to high-five Hyuna and Hyorin, her project partners who were lucky enough to get shoved into the only group of three, meaning less work individually for all three of them. “After my baby sister’s nickname on the volleyball team.”

“And because of Adam and Eve or something,” Hyorin further explains, and Hyuna cackles into her shoulder, slipping her hand into her pocket, sneakily pulling out her phone and taking a snapchat of their baby, presumably to send it to Yves. (It’s then that Seulgi realizes that they’d stripped the baby of all clothes, leaving it in just a diaper. They’re truly committed to this whole “first human” concept they’ve got going on).

“We called ours Sexy Dynamite,” Joy proudly announces with a smirk, much to the embarrassment of a flustered Wendy.

“Something tells me that Wan didn’t have much of a say in that,” Seulgi jokes.

“Absolutely not!” Joy says, she turns to Irene, the fellow cheerleader. “What did you and Seulgi name yours?”

“Park Soo Yeong,” Irene replies without missing a beat, and Seulgi is left in stitches as she watches Irene swiftly pick up a permanent marker from the desk, managing to scribble down the words PARK SOO YEONG in perfect capital letters smack dab in the middle of the birth certificate. Signing her signature, she wordlessly hands Seulgi the marker, who deftly spins it around her fingers before signing her name right next to Irene’s.

The absolute mortification on Joy’s face is worth every second of this project.

“I take it back,” Joy says. She plucks the permanent marker out of Wendy’s hand, only hesitating for a moment before crossing Sexy Dynamite off the birth certificate and writing IREEN <3, the heart added for good measure.

Irene just winks, scooping up Park Soo Yeong into her arms and depositing it in the baby sling Seulgi has already fastened around her shoulder.

( _Well, if I’m stuck here,_ Seulgi thinks to herself, _I might as well go all out.)_

\--

The only thing good about lugging the fake baby around is that it’s incredibly, depressingly easy to get excused from class, especially when the baby starts crying. Because as amusing as all the other teachers find their students touting around baby slings and dealing with “the wonders of parenthood,” those said “wonders” can be annoying as hell.

Fortunately for Seulgi, Park Soo Yeong is a loud crier, and nobody wants to hear the wails.

Unfortunately for Seulgi, Park Soo Yeong is a loud crier, and never wants to fucking shut up.

Allegedly, you’re supposed to rock the dreadful things back and forth until they “go back to sleep.” At least, that’s what Ms. Tiffany had told the class. Clearly, Seulgi had underestimated how difficult it would be to get the plastic things to stop crying— there had obviously been a manufacturing issue.

At least she’s not alone.

Seulgi steps into the hallway with a crying Park Soo Yeong only to find at least five other students from her Health class already occupying the hallway space, each with a wailing plastic demon child in their grasp.

They all look to Seulgi as she takes up a spot near some lockers, fifty shades of despair on their faces.

 _You too?_ Their eyes ask silently.

Seulgi nods solemnly.

_I am here to join you, fellow brethren._

Long story short, what starts out as a plan to rock Park Soo Yeong for maybe five minutes before returning to class turns into fifteen minutes of a range of rocking to violently shaking back and forth that leaves Seulgi panting.

She groans, tipping her head back in pure annoyance and letting it bang into the locker behind her. This is literally ridiculous, she can’t even imagine how stupid this looks to any younger students, and it’s not even the end of the first day.

“Why won’t you shut up?” Seulgi asks desperately, whining through her teeth, shaking the plastic baby from side to side this time, although absolutely nothing changes.

She isn’t expecting to hear five disgruntled voices chiming in agreement, but as she peers down the hall, she sees that the other five students hadn’t moved an inch either, their babies still very clearly wailing into the dead school hallway air.

“That’s _it.”_ Taemin, a friend of Seulgi’s from track, stands up abruptly, clutching the pathetic imitation of human life with one large hand. Seulgi startles upwards from where she sits on the floor, giving Taemin a curious look as he strides over towards the group of lockers she’d been leaning on. “I can’t take this anymore.”

Seulgi gapes as Taemin throws open one of the many unused lockers, giving it a quick look over to make sure it’s empty before haphazardly flinging his faux “son” into the small space. He then proceeds to slam the locker shut with such vigor that a gust of wind sweeps through the hallway from the impact, blowing Seulgi’s hair backwards and messing up the vague remnants of her bangs.

Silence echoes throughout the hallway.

Somewhere from down the hall, Wheein, another unfortunate soul currently with “child,” gasps in surprise.

“Did he do it?” Wheein whispers, almost daring to hope.

Seulgi whips her head back to the locker, suddenly realizing that the wailing had ceased from all the demon children— Taemin had performed a miracle.

“He really did it,” Seulgi murmurs in awe. Turning to Taemin, she regards him unprecedented respect. “Taemin… how did you do it?!”

“I-I don’t know!” Taemin sputters. “I didn’t think that would actually work, I was just really angry—”

_“WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”_

The demons start screaming again, and there’s muffled wailing from within the locker.

“SHIT,” Seulgi curses, going back to frantically rocking the child.

“I knew it was too good to be true!” Wheein screams. She pries open a nearby locker, slotting herself into it, and slamming the locker shut. Taemin and Seulgi stare blankly at the locker, their gazes slowly shifting to the abandoned baby on the ground beside it.

As if she also just realized her mistake, Wheein pries the locker open once more, snagging up the baby before proceeding to lock herself in again, this time with the plastic child.

Seulgi looks up to the ceiling, gazes up at the bright school lights above her as if she could see through to the heavens, up at Whoever Is Up There laughing at her. The week just started and she’s already experiencing hell, but by _god_ , she wouldn’t wish this on anyone, especially Irene.

“I’m so sorry,” Seulgi mutters, hoping that Irene can find it in her to forgive Seulgi after this week is done and over with.

\--

“So, you’re partnered up with Irene for this babysitting project, Seul?” Taeyong asks, bumping his shoulder against the star athlete’s as they go on their usual jog back to their neighborhood after track practice.

Having grown up in adjacent houses, Seulgi’s been best friends with Taeyong since their earliest of days— she still teases him about how he had gotten jealous when she’d grown attached to a new group of female friends during middle school.

(“Bros before hoes!” he’d managed to cry before Seulgi had rolled her eyes, stuck her tongue out at him, and shoved him down the stairs. They’d cleared things up soon after that, mostly because Seulgi had personally helped lug him down to the nurse’s office, and the walk had been _long.)_

“Yup,” Seulgi says, popping the ‘p’ because she can. “We’re raising Park Soo Yeong.”

“You’re raising _Joy?”_ Taeyong’s eyes bug out, and Seulgi rolls her eyes, slapping his bicep with a loud _thwack._

“No, you idiot. We named the plastic gremlin Park Soo Yeong with the awful romanization and everything.”

“Oh.” They reach their houses, standing in front of their lawns, and Taeyong leans up against a mailbox. “That… actually makes a lot of sense.”

“It was Irene’s idea.”

“That explains everything.” Taeyong nods imploringly. “You’re already whipped for her.” Seulgi wisely   chooses not to comment on that provocation. “So what’s the project been like so far?”

“Oh, that’s right,” Seulgi purses her lips, looking highly begruntled. She shoots Taeyong a warning glare, knowing that he saw the way she managed to age twenty years in five seconds. _Say nothing and maybe you’ll survive._ “Your Health class is doing the project next month. Well, you know what it’s like to ride a bike?”

“No, Seulgi, I never learned how to ride a bike,” Taeyong deadpans, fingers thrumming against the metal of the mailbox.

“Screw you!” Seulgi punches his bicep this time, grumbling under her breath when he doesn’t even flinch at the physical assault. “Anyway, so the baby project is essentially like riding a bike.”

“Really?” Taeyong raises a suspicious eyebrow.

“Oh, _absolutely!”_ Seulgi exclaims enthusiastically, and she claps her hands together in excitement. “It’s like riding a bike, except the forest surrounding the bike path is on fire, and the grass is on fire, and the path is on fire, and your bike is on fire, and _you_ are on fire, and it looks like you’re in hell, and that’s because you’re correct! It’s hell.”

“Lovely!” Taeyong beams, eye-smile and everything.

Seulgi kicks over his mailbox, taking pleasure in the way Taeyong comes crashing to the ground with it.

\--

Irene comes into History class the next morning with Park Soo Yeong strapped to her back. Despite looking noticeably more tired than before, Seulgi can safely say that she looks nonetheless as incredibly stunning as always.

Without thinking, Seulgi ruffles through her bag, pulling out the notebook needed for taking notes before pulling her backpack off the desk next to hers and placing it on the ground. She’s not quite sure why, but she’s glad regardless when Irene easily slips into the seat beside Seulgi’s without any thought.

“How was dealing with the child last night?” Seulgi asks, twirling a pencil around a finger. “Hopefully you didn’t have too hard of a time…?”

Irene gives her a tired smile, and Seulgi might as well have just had the earth crash down on her out of guilt. God, she should’ve just dealt with the demon child, she should’ve just told Irene that she could make it work with track. Now there’s no way Irene doesn’t hate her, and it’s only the second day, and—

“It definitely could’ve been worse,” Irene chuckles, poking the hard, plastic cheek of the baby, frozen in an unending pose of apparent agony. “It was fine for the most part. I think the worst moment was the stupid thing crying from 8 PM to 9 PM, so I had to stay up until 1 AM to finish my homework. But other than that, things were pretty peaceful.”

 _“Peaceful?”_ Seulgi gasps. “That sounds _awful!_ I’m sorry, Irene, I should’ve just taken it—”

“Don’t say that!” Irene scolds gently. She lightly slaps Seulgi’s arm – it’s more like a soft tap – before sending Seulgi another reassuring smile, one that Seulgi might actually be able to have faith in. “It’s fine, really! We’re both the parents of this thing, after all, which means that we get equal responsibility over it. Besides, I named her, didn’t I?” Irene winks playfully, and perhaps Seulgi feels her heart leap from its position and dance in circles around her. “I’ve got to have _some_ semblance of presence in parenthood!”

“If you’re sure,” Seulgi says hesitantly.

“One hundred percent.”

“Okay.” Seulgi nods, a small smile of her own forming. “Y’know, speaking of equal responsibility and stuff, the rubric for the project says that we have to spend ‘quality time together as a family.’ Would you be down for doing something at some point?”

_Jesus, it’s like I’m asking her out on a date._

“With the kid, of course,” Seulgi adds on quickly, hoping that it doesn’t sound too much like an afterthought.

“Of course,” Irene giggles. She nudges Seulgi’s sleeve-covered arm with the eraser of her pencil, mindlessly kicking the baby basinet on the floor into a rocking motion with her foot. She sends a lazy smile Seulgi’s way, and bobs her head to music that only Irene can hear. “I have cheerleading practice after school today though.”

“That’s fine,” Seulgi says, trying to come off as calmer than she actually is. “Park Soo Yeong and I can wait for you. The weather is still nice, would you be up for ice cream?”

“I’d absolutely _love_ ice cream after practice,” Irene’s smile is dazzling; Seulgi wonders if Irene ever gets tired of rivaling the sun’s brightness, wonders if Irene even knows that she has the power to make the world go around, the power to make the world stop in its rotation.

And right on cue, Park Soo Yeong starts rioting, the cries ringing throughout the math classroom relentlessly, without wavering.

Irene winces, and Seulgi instinctively leans forward, covering Irene’s ears with her own hands, sweater paws and everything.

“I’ll handle it,” Seulgi says kindly. Irene gets a glint in her eye that alerts Seulgi of the short girl’s wish to protest, but Seulgi shakes her head, already out of her seat, pushing her chair in. She scoops Park Soo Yeong up from the basinet, trying not to cringe as she makes her way to the door.

Mr. Changmin, the history teacher who doubles as the track coach, claps Seulgi on the back encouragingly.

“You can pull through this, Seulgi,” he says gravely, like she just volunteered to march to her death. The sad part is that he isn’t wrong, but then again, Seulgi is weak-willed when it comes to pretty girls, and Irene is the prettiest of them all.

So she gives Mr. Changmin a solemn dip of the head, and they exchange salutes before she steps into the hallway, ready for the upcoming challenge of silencing the plastic demon child.

\--

Seulgi is tutoring two freshmen when she gets the email from Ms. Tiffany about receiving pacifiers for the babies, which supposedly can shut a baby’s crying up better than vigorously rocking it like a shake-weight. Apologizing briefly to Heejin and Hyunjin, she quickly texts Irene that she’ll pick up the pacifier from the Health classroom and deliver it to Irene at lunch.

“Bless,” Seulgi mutters under her breath as she hits the send button. “Anything to get that thing to shut its trap.”

Hyunjin peers up from where she’d just finished marking all the different polygonal figures on her paper.

“Does this have anything to do with that baby you’d been backpacking around yesterday, unnie?”

“Unfortunately, yes.” Seulgi sighs, jabbing her pencil tip at the world map placemat laid flat on the desk. “It’s a week-long health project.”

“Are you partnered with Irene-unnie?” Heejin asks, abruptly turning energetic and having lost all interest in memorizing the geometric formulas to the various volumes and surface areas of three-dimensional figures. “She showed up to the cheerleading meeting before school with a fake baby. Joy-unnie did too, but she said she’s partnered with Wendy-sunbaenim.”

“Yeah, she’s my partner,” Seulgi says, resting her head down on the table, feeling unexpectedly tired at the mere thought of needing to see that baby again. Usually she’s a bit more energetic during these tutoring sessions— she loves Heejin and Hyunjin, and they always manage to make her smile, but today she’s just so drained. _I can do it for Irene._ “We named it Park Soo Yeong.”

“After Joy-unnie?” Heejin sounds intrigued and entertained.

“Yup. Irene’s idea.”

Seulgi wishes she missed the way Hyunjin and Heejin exchange looks with each other.

“How are you and Irene-unnie getting along?” Hyunjin asks casually, clearly trying to smother down a smile.   

The older girl casts them a wary glance, shifting her position such that her legs hang off the right edge of the chair, propping her arm up on the back.

“We hadn’t talked much until this project, but we’re getting along pretty well.”

“That’s great!” Heejin exclaims, something wicked glimmering in her brown orbs, and Seulgi thinks she perfectly has every right to be scared now. “I’m _sure_ that Irene-unnie is enjoying her time with you as well! Are you guys doing anything together, or are you mostly switching off on the childcare?”

“Married or divorced?” Hyunjin cuts in, repressing her grin as best as she can.

Seulgi glares, though it carries no effect given how exhausted she is from this conversation.

“She’s made it clear that we’re in this together, and yeah, we’re getting ice cream after her cheerleading practice ends.”

“So married,” Hyunjin concludes.

“That’s _such_ a great idea!” Heejin interjects enthusiastically, clapping her hands in approval. “Irene-unnie absolute _loves_ ice cream! You know what else you should do, Seulgi-unnie?”

“What?” Seulgi’s hesitant to ask, almost afraid of accidentally hurtling further down the rabbit hole.

“You should walk Irene-unnie home,” Heejin says, all seriousness, and in all honesty, Seulgi’s a bit surprised at how solemn the younger girl is. “Unnie lives way on the other side of town, and she still insists on walking to school every day with a group of us underclassmen on the team. She has a route that she walks every morning, picking Yeri, Chuu, Gowon, and I up from our houses and accompanying us to school.”

“Wow,” Seulgi can’t say she’s not impressed— Irene is well known for being an altruist, but she hadn’t been aware that Irene had been _that_ involved with the younger students. “Wait, not to change the subject, but how do you and the others get home after practice, Heejin?”

“Hyunjin walks with me, of course,” Heejin smiles adoringly at the other freshman beside her, who blushes and pointedly looks down at the Geometry questions adorning her worksheet in front of her. Meanwhile, Seulgi’s not blind— she could’ve seen the heart-eyes that Heejin throws in Hyunjin’s direction if she was a good kilometer away and peeking in from the window. “Yeri’s got Saeron, Chuu’s got Yves, and Gowon’s got Olivia, of course. We all have a buddy to walk home with except for Irene-unnie, who lives the farthest.”

“A _buddy,_ right,” Seulgi says, not at all convinced that Hyunjin is just Heejin’s “buddy.” She shrugs a moment later, deciding to give up on the idea, figuring that Heejin would be the first to blurt out if she and Hyunjin suddenly became official. Her mind wanders to Irene instead, who had carried their fake devil child back to her house on the other side of town yesterday, and a mixture of fondness and guilt settles into the pit of her stomach, lingering there.

“I guess I’ll just have to walk with Irene more often, then,” Seulgi mumbles, not at all as begrudging as she sounds. The two younger girls in front of her know it too, that Seulgi would probably swim to the ends of the earth had it meant that Irene would never experience a hardship in her life— _god, I’m so weak._

“I think that’s a great idea,” Hyunjin cheers, and this time, Seulgi’s glad she gets to witness the smiles of pure affection that Heejin and Hyunjin share— she’s so glad that her favorite freshmen have each other to lean on.

If Seulgi had looked under the table, she would’ve noticed the girls holding hands.

She settles on daydreaming about walking Irene home instead, and it’s just as good (or maybe even better).

\--

By the afternoon, Seulgi’s got Park Soo Yeong strapped to her back once again. It’s one of those rare, quiet-ish moments when the demon baby remains silent, and Seulgi relishes in it, taking the time to converse with her friends.

She’s chatting amicably with Taeyong and Wendy, the latter of whom has baby Ireen <3 lying down in her lap, the three of them reclining back on the bleachers, watching the cheerleading practice currently taking place on the football field.

“It’s only been two days and you both look like you’ve contracted back problems,” Taeyong observes. He crosses a leg, leaning forward with his gaze shifting between the two girls. “I’m guessing that the babies haven’t been warming up to you?”

“I don’t think their prehistoric programming allows them to do that,” Wendy states drily, nudging the pile of rubber and plastic with the bottom of the baby bottle.

“I saw that Hani put her baby in a motorized stroller though,” Seulgi chimes in, snickering to herself as she recalls the scene of the permanently clenched baby zooming through the hallways, Hani and her partner, Yura’s cackles echoing off the walls as they race after the speed demon. “And bless Yura and her interest in robotics and mechanical engineering.”

“She’s going to do great things in college,” Wendy agrees, already picturing the mass chaos.

“What are Kai and Sehun doing with their kid?” Seulgi thinks aloud, recalling to how on the first day, the two boys had been scolded after being caught trying to dump their plastic baby into a nearby garbage disposal. “Aren’t they both soccer players? That’s probably an interesting thing to work around.”

“Well, let’s see,” Taeyong says, and with that, the three students turn around, looking past the bleachers to the soccer field.

“Is he…” Wendy shakes her head, shutting her eyes and rubbing them before looking back at the sight in disbelief. “I can’t believe—”

Taeyong throws his head back, barking out a laugh.

“These crazy-ass bitches—”

“Kai deadass is playing soccer with a plastic baby strapped to his chest with duct tape!” Seulgi roars with laughter, her body shaking so much she nearly falls off the bleachers. Doing her very best to conceal her giggles, she forces herself into an upright position again, shoulders heaving from exertion, before nearly losing any sanity she has left as she witnesses Kai sprint across the field to kick a soccer ball into the goal.

“Wow, Sehun looks like he’s gonna murder him,” Wendy observes. Then she lurches backwards in shock as her two friends cackle. “Oh my god, he’s _actually_ gonna murder him!”

“Who here’s good at reading lips?” Taeyong demands.

“Me!” Seulgi grins. “Sehun just said, ‘I can’t believe you would do this to our family! I’m leaving and I’m taking the kid with me!’ And— ooh, _ouch,_ yeah, I’m pretty sure you both saw Sehun rip the duct tape and baby from Kai’s chest.”

“He’s definitely filing for a divorce,” Wendy states.

“Couldn’t have summarized it better myself,” Taeyong agrees.

\--

“I have such a newfound appreciation for cheerleading now,” Seulgi announces as she and Irene walk away from the ice cream shop, licking the cold treats on their cones in contentment. She manages to conceal a groan when she hears Park Soo Yeong’s whining start to pick up again, merely jabbing the pacifier she’d picked up earlier into the baby’s mouth.

“Oh?” Irene raises an eyebrow, shouldering her backpack with her free hand, hiking it further up her shoulders. She narrows her eyes. “Did you not appreciate it before?”

“No, no, that’s not it!” The track athlete hastily backtracks, although she sags in relief as Irene giggles at the sputtering mess she makes. “I already knew that you all were incredibly in shape and stuff, but those _aerials?_ The preparation that goes into a routine honestly is kind of awe-inspiring. Like, in track, we just run really fast, or leap really far, or jump really high,” Seulgi laughs.

Irene hums, happily taking another lick of her ice cream. Seulgi watches her swipe her tongue across her lips.

“I suppose that’s fair,” she singsongs, and Seulgi huffs, purposely bumping her hip against Irene’s, to which the older girl laughs and knocks their heads together like no big deal. Seulgi grunts dramatically, pretending to have been pushed over as she spins her way down the road, the sound of Irene’s laughter ringing down the empty streets, rising up to the sky and Seulgi thinks that she’d be okay with floating all the way up to the heavens on it.

“Stop spinning!” Irene scolds, although there’s no actual strength in her tone; it’s completely nullified by her hiccupping giggles and the way her shoulders shake like the weight of the world has just been lifted off of them. Seulgi likes this Irene— this free Irene, who is _more_ than this image of the ideal girlfriend to the entire male population, who banters with Seulgi like its no one’s business, who is kind, yes, but also does a little happy dance every time she says something witty that catches Seulgi off guard.

She’s still learning about Irene, but Seulgi likes this Irene— she likes this Irene _a lot._

The slightly taller girl doesn’t realize that she’s staring, an awed, gentle expression on her face, until she registers the pink blush that now dusts Irene’s cheeks, like she’s been touched by the sunset herself.

It’s entirely too scenic for a walk with a plastic demon baby stuck on Seulgi’s back, but whatever.

“Are you okay?” Irene whispers, her small voice nearly lost in the bluster of a breeze that blows by, stirring up the leaves in the trees, pushing them into the air, one of them getting stuck in Irene’s hair. Seulgi watches in apt attention as Irene plucks it out gingerly with a pout.

Irene must catch a glimpse of the stupidly large grin that overtakes Seulgi’s face just then, because suddenly she’s rolling her eyes (Seulgi’s never seen a more adorable sight) and yeah, Seulgi’s definitely okay.

“Did you get dizzy?” Irene chuckles softly, stepping closer to Seulgi. “From all that spinning?”

“Trust me when I say that I don’t need to be spinning to feel dizzy around you,” Seulgi says shamelessly. She basks in the way Irene nearly trips over her feet, but decides against teasing the smaller girl about it, instead holding out her arm expectantly.

Irene links their arms seamlessly, and they continue on their way.

\--

“Heejin said you’re walking home alone these days,” Seulgi says casually as they approach Irene’s house; it’s only a block away, and they can just see the chimney poking out from behind the trees. “Any reason in particular?”

Irene shrugs. “Not really? Other than my neighborhood just being too far in general, and I didn’t want people to trouble themselves with having to make their way out all the way to this far corner of town.”

“Are there no other students who live in this area?”

Irene shakes her head.

Seulgi frowns.

“You’ve had boyfriends in the past, right? They wouldn’t even walk with you? Even during visits?”

“We wouldn’t really hang out at my place,” Irene says, another shrug rolling off her shoulder. “I’d always be going over their place.”

“I see…”

“But!”

Seulgi peers over curiously.

“But?”

“But I like _this,”_ Irene says. She spreads out her free arm wide, gesturing to the whole of the situation, the whole of _them,_ before motioning to what little space remains between both of their bodies. “I like this a lot.”

And perhaps despite the wind that gusts by, Seulgi feels the warmth pool up in her stomach, seeping through her entire body. She hopes the warmth spreads to Irene, who shivers slightly before shifting closer.

“Then should I walk home with you more?”

Pause.

Seulgi holds her breath.

Play.

Irene beams.

“I’d love for you to.”

\--

Irene skips over to Seulgi and Wendy standing next to the main stairwell, Joy in tow. Seulgi thinks it’s cute, especially with the way Irene has her hair up in a high ponytail that bounces with every step she takes. Joy strides closer, chic as usual, and she flips her fair over her shoulder before taking her spot next to Wendy.

“You’ve gotten too used to standing there, Joy,” Irene observes, a childish smirk playing on her lips.

Joy huffs. “Like you have any right to say anything.”

“We should all hang out after school,” Wendy says out of the blue, and Seulgi nearly chokes out a laugh at how random the entire statement is, but a single glance at Wendy’s red face says all that needs to be said. “Like after practice and stuff. It would be fun.”

Irene nods, humming out a tune that no one can recognize. Seulgi likes the way her head bobs from left to right, like she’s listening to music with no earphones in— it’s cutee just like everything else Irene does, but Seulgi’s sure that she likes it particularly more _because_ it’s Irene doing the action.

“It would. We totally should!”

“Can we bring Yeri?” Joy asks. “She won a bet against me recently and she won’t shut up about it— she’s almost as bad as Baby Ireen Heart Emoji.”

Seulgi shrugs. “Sure, I don’t see why not—”

“I’m sorry, did you just say ‘Heart Emoji’ out loud?” Irene cuts in with a deadpanned tone, nothing but pure disappointment shimmering in her expression. Wendy and Seulgi suppress their laughter behind their hands.

Joy reels backwards like she’d just been back-handed across the face.

“N-no, I didn’t!”

“I don’t have a daughter like you!” Irene cries, circling back over to Seulgi, taking Park Soo Yeong from where she’s strapped to the track star’s back. She cradles the fake baby with care, internally praying that it doesn’t start crying and ruining the moment. “Park Soo Yeong with the shitty spelling is the only child of mine!”

“Fine!” Joy yells back. She scoops Baby Ireen <3 up into her arms, whirls around with all the dramatics she can muster while still keep up her hurt front – honestly, she deserves an Emmy award for that performance – and hops onto the staircase railing, sliding down the railing with the fake baby clutched in her grasp.

 _“Fight me,_ Bae J-U-H-Y-U-N!” Joy shouts as she slides further and further down, raising a fist up and pumping it into the air. “Come _at_ me!”

Irene merely rolls her eyes at the poor attempt at romanization, absently flipping Joy off with one hand as Wendy shrieks in panic, racing to the edge of the staircase.

“Joy, you’re gonna traumatize the baby!” Wendy screams.

“I’m teaching her to have _fun!”_ Joy replies in protest. “Y’know, unlike her _namesake!”_

Irene settles for sticking her middle finger up at Joy once again before dragging Seulgi off to their History class.

They both crack a smile at the sound of Baby Ireen <3’s alarming cries echoing through the hallway, along with the string of curses that leave Joy’s lips and Wendy’s frantic panicking.

\--

“So, why’d _you_ decide to tag along?” Joy asks hours, not unkindly – okay, maybe a bit unkindly but more out of genuine curiosity – as to why Taeyong, a well-known, inherently popular basketball player and part-time member of the dance team, would be hanging out at a quaint, cute café with five girls and their two fake plastic devil children.

“Well,” Taeyong starts. “I didn’t have much homework left to do, and I had the free time, and since I’m Seulgi’s neighbor, I thought why not—”

“He has no friends,” Seulgi interjects, shooting him down like a sniper.

“I have no friends,” Taeyong corrects himself sullenly.

Yeri, the youngest of the girls, snickers. She reaches across the table, blatantly ignoring Irene’s yelp of protest as one of her long and poofy sleeves from her sweater barely grazes the top of the New York cheesecake sitting on the tabletop. Taeyong pouts as Yeri pats his head.

“You’ll gain friends eventually,” she says. “Probably.”

“Thanks, Yeri,” Taeyong says morosely, letting Yeri continue to mess around with his hair.

“Good luck, my dude,” Yeri replies, grinning toothily. “You’re gonna need it.”

“I feel like I’m gonna need more than just that…”

Yeri nods knowingly. She waves a hand over to the counter, making eye contact with the barista – a blonde student by the name of Kim Jungeun, better known as Kim Lip – who gives her friend an “ok” sign before starting to concoct a drink.

“I like her style,” Seulgi notes, taking in Kim Lip’s chic, aesthetic take on the classic barista scheme, blonde hair pulled back into a high ponytail, a black apron hanging over flannel, sleeves pulled back to her elbows, skinny jeans and black leather boots. “She looks really cool, making drinks and stuff.”

“She _is_ cool,” Yeri chuckles, settling back down in her seat and taking a sip of the chai tea she ordered. “Outwardly, at least. I’m pretty good friends with Lippie, and she’s actually dorkier than she lets on. Like a certain someone I’ve come to know.” Yeri sends a meaningful look to Seulgi, who pointedly looks away. Irene giggles and pokes Seulgi’s arm with a coffee stirrer. “She also applied for this job because the upperclassman girl she has a crush on works here as a manager. Lip’s the heart and soul of this place though; at least that’s what Jinsoul-unnie says.”

“I have no idea what the hell you’re talking about, Yerim,” Kim Lip states, having decided to personally deliver the mug to their table herself. She places the steaming cup down in front of Taeyong who bows his head politely at her. Turning to the rest of the group, Kim Lip smiles sheepishly at them. “Also, I really hate to ask this, but if your health projects start wailing, would you mind tending to them outside?”

“No problem at all,” Irene reassures the barista with an understanding smile. “We totally get it.”

“Thanks,” Kim Lip says, looking relieved. “Heejin and Hyunjin just came in – they usually stop by after school – and they’re loud enough as it is.”

“Jungeun-ah!” Another voice calls, and a taller, platinum blonde-haired girl materializes from a back room. She flashes a smile at Seulgi and her friends, and Seulgi guesses that this is Jinsoul, the manager and Kim Lip’s crush. “I need some help moving some boxes in the back. Come help?”

It’s actually stunning, the way Kim Lip jumps up at Jinsoul’s call like an obedient puppy and scampers eagerly away to tend to Jinsoul’s every want and need.

“She reminds me of you, Seul,” Wendy says absentmindedly, only to yelp a heartbeat later when Seulgi threatens to throw a spoon at her. There’s a sigh of relief, though, while Seulgi seethes silently as she picks up the now-crying Park Soo Yeong to go vigorously shake it back to sleep outside in order to pacify its crying.

\--

They all walk home together that day, decided to accompany Irene all the way home, despite the long distance. Heejin and Hyunjin (whom Irene had beckoned over to their table, eagerly spoon-feeding them cheesecake like they’re her own children) had energetically came along, Heejin wanting to see Irene’s house and Hyunjin being attached to Heejin by the hip.

Much like last time, Irene easily loops her right arm through Seulgi’s, her left cradling Park Soo Yeong with its pacifier sticking out of its mouth. Just a minute ago, its cries had been muffled behind the pacifier but now, it had lapsed into silence, and Irene had exhaled in relief, deflating into Seulgi’s side.

“So when are Seulgi-unnie and Irene-unnie getting married?” Heejin pipes up.

Seulgi nearly trips over her own feet, just barely saving Irene from toppling down with her as she gets a grip on Irene’s shoulders.

“W-what on _earth_ are you talking about?” Seulgi stammers.

“You need to have a _big_ wedding,” Hyunjin agrees. She completely disregards Seulgi’s shocked question, opting to let her head rise back up to the clouds of delusion. “Like, a really big one with a ceremony and guest audience and everything.”

Irene lets out a laugh of disbelief, shaking her head.

“What are you going on about, Hyunjin?”

“She’s talking about how Wendy and Joy decided to elope,” Yeri pipes up from where she’s been having thumb war after thumb war with Taeyong, the older boy currently on a losing streak. She shoves him away from her, and he goes stumbling onto a green grassy lawn nearby. Yeri pays him no mind. “They outright refused the ceremony I proposed so I went and ranted to Two-Jin.”

“Wait, Two-Jin?” Wendy asks, confused.

“As in the number ‘2’ and ‘Jin.’ Y’know, Hyunjin and Heejin’s ship name?” Yeri says this like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, the solution to life being handed to all of them on a silver platter, complete with a manual on how to use it and everything. “Just like how you guys are Wenjoy, and Seulgi and Irene are Seulrene? You feeling me?”

She receives blank stares from the upperclassmen in return, and Yeri sighs.

“Never mind,” she says, waving off their painfully confused expressions. “Anyways, y’all are getting married tomorrow.” Yeri gets nothing but raised eyebrows, so she raises an arm up to the sky, pointing her index finger up to the heavens.

“I have planted the seeds,” she yells, “And I shall see the harvest!”

There’s utter silence.

In the distance, the sound of a crow cawing can be heard, along with the faint sound of crickets chirping.

“Get the hell out of the middle of the road,” Irene finally says. “We’re going to get a goddamn noise complaint.”

\--

“So when Yeri said that she’d see the harvest, the little brat really wasn’t kidding, huh?” Seulgi mutters, staring in complete amusement at the note crumpled into a paper ball that Hyunjin had just dropped in her lap upon passing her in the hall. _Grow a pair!_ it said, unforgiving bluntness laced in every word written in Yeri’s signature chicken scratch script.

Apparently, the younger had equipped all of their underclassmen friends with handwritten notes to drop off to Seulgi throughout the day. Meanwhile, Seulgi just wishes she could send a terse _I’m trying!_ back to the younger girl.

“What do you think I should do about it?” Seulgi finds herself asking Park Soo Yeong itself, now perched on the bend of her knee. The baby was still wailing profusely, but Seulgi had begrudgingly admit that she’d gotten used to the crying at this point.

And of course, Park Soo Yeong does nothing but continue crying, not that Seulgi had expected anything different.

“You losing your mind, Kang Seul?” Wheein asks from down the hall. They’re in a similar situation as that first day, being forced into the hallway to pacify their children. “Hwasa started talking to Little Wheesa yesterday as well, and she’s considering locking herself in her room.”

“I wish,” Seulgi says. “Maybe that’d be easier than dealing with something like this.” She makes a wide circle with her arms before picking Park Soo Yeong up again, returning to rocking.

“Is something up?” Taemin asks curiously, pausing in his mid-hallway pacing.

“Just little Yeri trying to get me to ‘propose’ to Irene or something,” Seulgi chuckles, scratching the back of her head. “She seems to have this idea that we need to get married or something. She’s been sticking her friends on me all day! Heejin left a paper crane in my locker that said _Just do it!_ Then, Chuu and Jungeun double-teamed me to give a bouquet of paper flowers that says _I swear it’s not as hard as it looks._ Hyunjin just dropped this paper ball onto my lap, and I’m pretty sure I’ve seen Jinsoul and Yves lurking around with an entire waste basket full of notes too.”

“Well, why not just go for it?” Wheein asks, and Seulgi gapes.

“What?”

“I agree,” Taemin adds. “I mean, Seul, it’s just high school, and everyone knows that we do some crazy stuff here before we graduate and completely book it. Plus, this is _Bae Irene_ we’re talking about! You like her, don’t you?”

“I mean, well, yeah, of course!” Seulgi frowns. How could she _not_ like Irene? She’d already been the ideal girlfriend of nearly every student in the school, and after spending time with her, Seulgi’s concluded that it’s impossible _not_ to be influenced by Irene’s infectious, bubbly, and witty attitude. But— “Isn’t she straight though?”

“Did she ever explicitly state that she’s straight?” Taemin demands.

“Well, no, but—”

“Aha!” Wheein shouts, pointing an accusing finger in Seulgi’s direction. “That was your first mistake! Always assume gay until confirmed straight!”

And as Park Soo Yeong’s cries die down to mere prerecorded whimpers, Seulgi holds up her hands in surrender.

“Okay, you raise a fair argument, Jung Wheein.”

“Fuck yeah, I do, Kang Seulgi.”

\--

What starts as a peaceful lunch (the demon children are sleeping) turns into something akin to public humiliation when Jinsoul and Yves manage to find their way to Seulgi’s lunch table in the cafeteria.

Seulgi, Wendy, Irene, and Joy are sitting at a round table, discussing all their problems with their fake children, when Seulgi spies them approaching the little group discussion, donning the same waste basket full of crumpled paper that the two girls had been holding before.

“More messengers?” Seulgi inquires, chuckling to herself at the sheepish looks that fly over Jinsoul and Yves’s features. Irene casts her a confused glance, but Seulgi mouths a quick _don’t worry about it_ before returning her attention back to Yeri’s apparent minions. “Lay it on me.”

“We’re really sorry about this,” Jinsoul prefaces, a guilty smile flitting across her face. “In our defense—”

“Yeri’s paying us,” Yves says bluntly, shrugging her shoulders in an attempt at being nonchalant.  “We’re just the tall people she hired to intimidate you, but, uh,” Yves slowly slinks behind Jinsoul as her gaze locks onto Joy’s overly charming, intimidating smile. “Yeah, um, maybe find the right crumpled up paper and look at it in private?”

And with that, the two girls dump all the contents of the waste basket onto the table before sprinting away, Jinsoul chucking the empty container away at the nearest male student— it just so happens to be Taeyong, who had been walking by with a tray, which he throws away in order to catch the waste basket just in the nick of time. He still ends up sprawled on the ground anyway, moaning and rubbing the back of his head, and Seulgi has the presence of mind to spare him a quick look over, but she quickly deduces that he’s probably fine, so she turns her attention back to the paper-covered table in front of her.

It takes a good five minutes of the four girls opening each and every crumpled-up paper ball until Joy finally pries one open and automatically lights up upon seeing the words scribbled onto the parchment.

“Seulgi, here!” Joy sings, crumpling up the ball again and tossing over Irene’s head. It safely connects into Seulgi’s hands, and the track star eagerly opens it to view its contents.

A wide grin spread across Seulgi’s face, and she quickly pockets the paper before Irene can snatch it out of her hands.

“Why can’t I read it?” The cheerleader pouts, crossing her arms.

“You’ll see it eventually,” Seulgi says, patting her head.

“Promise?” Irene holds out her pinky.

“Pinky promise,” Seulgi says, hooking their pinkies together and not missing a beat.

Wendy throws a fry in their direction.

“Just get married already! Ten extra respect points if you piss off Yeri and elope.”

\--

“Why do you suddenly look so glum?” Wendy asks as she slips into the seat next to Seulgi for Physics class. Upon only receiving a sigh and watching Seulgi only slump further down into her seat such that her head no longer peeked above her desk, Wendy grumbles something about _this dramatic bitch_ before prodding Seulgi’s side with her pencil eraser. “Like really, you were just beaming at lunch with Irene, and she even took Park Soo Yeong to her Biology class. What’s dampened your mood this time?”

Seulgi mumbles something under her breath.

Wendy crosses her arms, unamused.

“Use your big girl words.”

“I was messing around with some of my guy friends on the track team and they stole my backpack and threw it down the stairs,” Seulgi finally manages to muster out, somehow managing to sink even deeper into her seat.

“What?!” Wendy does a double take. “Are you freaking serious?! You didn’t have a laptop in there or something, did you?”

Seulgi snorts. “Thankfully no, but now that I think about it, they _would_ pull shit like that—”

“Just tell me why you’re suddenly emo,” Wendy cuts her off.

“My lucky keychain broke,” Seulgi pouts. Shoving a hand into her hoodie pocket, she pulls out the remnants of a bear keychain, the bear still intact but its chain having been completely disconnected from the keyring. “I would always squish this thing before races and stuff, and now it’s broken.”

“You can still squish the bear though?” Wendy reaches out to poke the bear. “It’s just not on a chain anymore.”

“Yeah but it’s bad luck in general that the entire keychain broke in the first place,” Seulgi sighs. She hauls herself back up as the teacher walks into the classroom, propping her cheek onto the palm of her hand. “I don’t know, I’m not _really_ into that kind of superstition, but I was really fond of this little guy…”

Wendy shrugs. She picks up the lone keyring, absently slipping it onto her thumb, pulling it off, and then proceeding to do the same for the rest of her fingers.

“Maybe you should get a good luck charm that’s less breakable,” Wendy suggests. When Seulgi doesn’t reply, Wendy frowns, turning her head to look over at her friend.

“Seul? You okay?”

A smile slowly creeps onto Seulgi’s face.

The taller girl nods, a thought suddenly occurring.

“Yeah, yeah I’m great! Actually, that’s a perfect idea, Wan.”

\--

A great idea, and a pretty stupid one, but hey, that’s just how Kang Seulgi rolls.

“Bae Joohyun!” Seulgi shouts the moment Irene steps out the school doors, about to head to their usual meeting place. She’s got baby Park Soo Yeong in her arms, and she nearly drops the plastic thing in her startled state, only somehow recognizing Taeyong slipping the fake child out of her arms to leave her free.

Meanwhile, Seulgi stands at the bottom of the stairs, surrounded in a semi-circle of their friends. It looks mildly like a demon summoning, just sans the pentagram, but that’s really okay because any atmospheric effect is nullified by Yeri having her phone out, recording every second of this grand moment.

“So a few things happened today, which meant that I had reality slapped into my face,” Seulgi says, shrugging sheepishly when Irene shoots her a knowing smile. “And y’know what? I really needed that because if I hadn’t heard all that stuff people threw at me, I might’ve waited too long and missed my shot, because _you,_ Bae Joohyun, are a catch that anyone here would be lucky to have! Oh— I made her blush, guys! Success!”

Irene yelps, trying to hide her face behind her hands.

“You didn’t have to mention it!” The cheerleader squeaks, although she conceals her smile as best as she can.

“Anyway,” Seulgi continues, laughter intertwined in her voice. “We’ve only really started talking this week, Irene, but I really, _really_ like you. Like, it’s kinda scary how much I like you.”

“We’re frightened too!” Joy chimes in.

Seulgi flips her off before returning back to Irene, who now openly grins down at her.

“As I was saying!” Seulgi coughs, earning another giggle from the cheerleader. “I realize that I’ve still got a crap ton to learn about you— hell, I don’t even know for sure if you even _like_ me! And usually that kind of thing has stopped me in my tracks, but I think that you’re worth it, Irene. You’re worth taking the risk!

“So in conclusion, I have no idea where the fuck this confession will lead me to,” the track star grins, absolutely beaming as her heart does flips and twirls and cartwheels down in her stomach but Irene’s positively absolutely gorgeous under the afternoon sky, and she’s smiling so wide that it gives Seulgi hope that maybe—

“But earlier today,” Seulgi continues, “my lucky keychain broke. I’ve got a track meet soon, and I’m not sure how it’ll go if I don’t have a lucky charm with me. So, do you, Bae Irene—” Seulgi pulls the keyring out from her pocket, having fashioned the keyring tighter, into a small ring shaped perfectly for a ring finger. Her eyes turn into crescent moons with the way Irene throws her head back to laugh unabashedly, all the affection in the world held there. “Wanna marry me and be my lucky charm? I promise to walk home with you every day – unless you tell me not to, of course – and buy you more of that lavender fabric softener you like so much – again, unless you tell me not to – and maybe even—”

And Irene is down the stairs in a flash, tackling Seulgi into a hug and burying her face into the crook of Seulgi’s neck, whose heart perhaps might actually burst now, with the way Irene’s small hands curl into the fabric of her sweater.

Around them, their friends cheer, and Seulgi’s sure Yeri’s already posting the video onto her countless social media accounts by now.

She doesn’t care, and the taller girl opts to laugh instead. “Should I take that as a yes?”

“And if it’s a no?” Irene’s voice is teasing, her words contradicting the way she nuzzles even closer to Seulgi’s body.

“Then I’m afraid I’ll have to stand outside your house with a boombox raised over my head every night,” Seulgi says playfully, “Blaring Red Velvet’s ‘Perfect 10’ on repeat.”

“Doesn’t sound like too bad of a deal,” Irene giggles, but she sighs in content and rests her head on Seulgi’s shoulder. “Oh, Seul, I’d love to be your lucky charm!”

“Great!” Seulgi says breathlessly, hugging Irene a little tighter, pushing her hair back. “I just… god, I’m so happy! Nothing can ruin this, and—”

_“WAHHHHHH!”_

“Goddammit,” Seulgi curses as Irene pulls away, the shorter girl bursting into uncontrollable laughter as she doubles down on the floor, absolutely losing any sense of sanity.

Wendy groans, taking away Park Soo Yeong from a panicking Taeyong before producing a pencil from her pocket and jabbing the eraser end into the fake baby’s back.

Everyone watches in stunned silence as the demon baby is immediately quiet.

“H-how?” Joy stutters, staring at her partner in scared awe.

“There’s a button right beneath this thing’s battery pack,” Wendy says emotionlessly dead in the eyes. “A goddamn button. I came across it by accident an hour or so ago but it’s been right there under our noses, and we _never knew.”_

More silence.

Seulgi finally opens her mouth again.

_“Oh, fucking dammit—”_

\--

Yeri makes them get “married” in the school courtyard the next day.

All of their friends are present, including every single person in their Health class, as well as Yeri’s minions that she had sent after Seulgi during the previous day.

It really all starts from when Sunmi declares that she’s going to officiate the wedding, and things only get more and more chaotic from there, given how Seulgi and Irene quickly learn that resistance is futile, and that in the end, it’s all in good fun so why not enjoy themselves while it lasts?

There are a few teachers who stop by the courtyard entrance who know Seulgi and Irene, and they whoop and cheer because perhaps they’ve got the best teacher around, and there are more than a few handfuls of students who pause by the large windows, peering into the impromptu ceremony with a mixture of concern, curiosity, and amusement.

No one really pays them any mind, especially after they bring out the bottles of soda, and the entire Health class takes a toast to celebrate their survival of the five worst days of hell they’ve ever suffered through— they made it out _alive._ It’s almost a miracle.

Almost.

(Most of them like to think it was their mental strength that kept them sane this whole time, however false that may be.)

(Still, Seulgi _knows_ that a miracle made her week, because Seulgi’s got Irene in her beautiful, blushing glory, flush against her, smiling into her kiss).

\--

“I’m almost going to miss Park Soo Yeong,” Irene admits as they stride hand-in-hand over to the Health classroom, where a large bin now sits for students to return their fake children to. She peers over Seulgi’s shoulder to look at the little demon baby cradled in Seulgi’s free arm. “It was a long five days, but I wouldn’t change a single thing about it.”

“Same here,” Seulgi finds herself agreeing. “It wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it was… although I think I’m only saying that because I managed to survive somehow.”

“Good point,” Irene puffs out her cheeks, pausing to think for a moment. “Yeah, hold on a second, it really sucked! Like, taking care of this thing really, _really_ sucked. I don’t know why I’m acting so nostalgic.”

Seulgi barks out a laugh, ushering the both of them into the classroom, where a few other students are giving their goodbyes. “True though! Really meeting you was the only good part of this entire project.”

“Not false,” Irene says, a soft smile playing on her lips.

Then—

“YEET!”

They both whip their heads around at the speed of light, ducking in the nick of time to avoid getting hit by Joy hurling baby Ireen <3 into the bin without second thought.

“Damn, that felt good!” Joy chortles, Wendy rolling her eyes good-naturally next to her. “Sayonara, Ireen Heart Emoji!”

“Admittedly, it felt good to watch you,” Wendy confesses, and she pats Joy’s arm. They go in for a firm handshake. “It was great to work with you, partner.”

“Likewise,” Joy says. There’s a beat of awkwardness where they just stare at each other, before Joy swoops in, throwing an arm around Wendy’s shoulder as they head over to the door. “You up for ice cream, Wan?”

“Always for you,” Wendy replies, greasy as ever. Irene and Seulgi cover their ears as Joy lets out a shrill shriek, hitting Wendy in retribution for the remark, although the smaller girl remains as smug as before.

And with that, the new power duo strides out the door, off to celebrate their newfound freedom.

“Well, they were enthusiastic,” Seulgi observes.

“Joy’s wanted to get rid of that thing since the day we received them,” Irene chuckles. “I can’t say I blame her.” Her gaze wanders down to plastic fake baby demon extraordinaire, Park Soo Yeong, scrunching her nose as she takes another good look at it. She lightly pushes Seulgi towards the bin.

“Yeah, you can do the honors, Seul.”

“With pleasure,” Seulgi snorts, shuffling up to the bin.

She takes one last look at Park Soo Yeong and its ugly, _ugly_ face—

—before promptly basketball-dunking it into the bin without a second glance.

“Good riddance!” Seulgi whoops, pumping a fist into the air, dashing over to Irene, and pulling her into a victory dance. “We survived, Irene! We _survived!”_

“We did!” Irene cheers, and they share a high-five. “And now that we’ve finally lost that permanent third wheel, we can move on to more important things.”

“Oh?” Seulgi stills abruptly, rocking back and forth on her heels, a playful glint in her eyes. She leans forward innocently, meeting Irene’s eyes. “Important things like what?”

“Well,” Irene says, fiddling with the surprisingly well-fitted keyring around her left hand’s ring finger. “I mean, I’ve got no problems with doing this whole relationship thing backwards,” Seulgi barks out a laugh, “but I _do_ want to go out on a date.”

“One date?” Seulgi prods teasingly, looping an arm around Irene’s waist as she leads them towards the school entrance. “Just one? Or how about more?”

Irene beams, positively sinking into Seulgi’s embrace.

“Sounds like a plan!”

\--

(“What did the crumpled note even say, anyways?”

“It said _maybe I’ve seen the way she stares at you, and if that’s not love, then I don’t know what is.”_

“…So Yeri is more observant than she lets on, huh.”

“It appears so.”

“Well, she’s your daughter after all.”

“But we’re married! Doesn’t that make her _your_ daughter as well?”

“I— okay fine. But we don’t claim Joy though.”

“Nope, I don’t have a daughter like her.”)

 

End.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks so much for taking the time to read!
> 
> come find me on twitter @pyresque and let's chat! or you can yell at me or something idk


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